Closing episode for Year 1

Kimber: All right folks, this episode is going to be the wrap up for the year. I think I'm finally caught up with all of the interviews I have done so far. And my business coach told me, I need to tell everyone when I'm going to be releasing. My next episodes, but the honest truth is I really don't know being by bad self, right.

It could be three weeks from now when I start recording again, it could be next year after the holidays. If. You have been enjoying this podcast and don't want to miss when I start the next season, make sure you're following me on Instagram at just be your bad self, because that is where I am the most engaged and keeping everybody updated on what I am up to.

So that being said today marks a year. Since I last recorded my very first episode, I recorded and released my first episode on September 10th of last year and a whole year has gone by and wow. I've learned. I've learned so much. I feel like my life has changed so much. I've hosted retreats. I have watched, as my message has spread.

And as people have come and experienced this idea of just being your bad self and loving yourself and what that can do to a person's life. I've watched several people after my retreats. Who've just really. Stepped into like stepped into a different dimension and their lives have just, I don't know, they just look empowered and happy.

And it's a hint to me that this is something that I should probably keep going with that this idea is an important one to share. I had something happen to me. Last week that really , it really helped me feel like I've come full circle

so I'm gonna tell this story to you. I had a coffee date with a friend a couple of weeks ago, a new friend. This was the first time we had actually gotta sit down and chat. And she told me that her mother-in-law had found out that this friend was going to go to a coffee date with me, or that she knew me.

Her mother-in-law was horrified and called her son. So my friend's husband and said, do you know your wife's been hanging out with that Kimber girl?

And she has some podcast about being bad and she did some sex retreat at the beginning of the year. . And this mother-in-law was just really horrified that her daughter-in-law knew me and was possibly friends with me. And my friend was really sweet. She said, she sat down with her. Mother-in-law really explained what I was all about.

And why she's my friend and why she likes me, which is really kind of her. But I have to say my favorite part of the story is that her mother-in-law. Said she's hanging out with that Kimber girl, because it means I have like a reputation in my hometown of being rebellious, which is something in my wildest dreams.

I would never ever have thought that I would have a reputation like that. And honestly, I'm absolutely giddy about it because I'm living, it means I'm living what I preach. I'm being my bad self. I'm not. Worried so much about what other people think of me. I just have something that I feel passionately about and I am going for it the way I want to.

And it. Such a cool feeling to hear that. Yeah, there are definitely people in my hometown that do not like what I am doing. Some may argue that it's because they don't understand what I'm doing, which is a possibility, but I think even some people that get it still are not happy with what I'm doing and I don't care I don't care.

And it's such, I feel so free and happy and like, I don't know, because I love what I'm doing. I know that what I'm doing is aligned with me and is important and is valuable to the world. And it really, really doesn't matter what other people think. Anyways, super it's like my favorite story of the year that this happened.

And it reminded me a little bit of. My favorite book of all time. I'm guessing most of you listening to this have not read this book. It's called the blue castle, but it was written by an author who most of you probably do

Kimber: know L. M. Montgomery. She is the author of, and of green Gables, which I'm guessing most of you are, are pretty familiar with.

So the blue castle, and this has been my favorite book since way before this podcast. Since I was 12, I loved this book and, and the gist of this book is , it starts on the Eve of her. Name's Valancy Valancy's 29th birthday. She's living at home with her mom and her, her aunt. And she's just depressed because she realizes.

Her, life's just depressing. She's an old maid. She feels like she has nothing to live for. And she ends up going to this heart doctor because she's had a heart problem for a while. And she gets a letter from him saying that she does have a heart condition and that it's fatal and that she may have a few weeks to live.

She may have a few months to live, but that she's not very long for this world. And this letter. Causes Valancy to think back over her life. And there's a line in there that says something about rebellion flamed up inside of her. Not because she had no future, but because she had no past. She was the epitome of a people pleaser.

She lived in this small town surrounded by her family. She had no opinions on anything cuz she didn't wanna upset anybody. She didn't do anything that was out of the ordinary. She was incredibly obedient, laughed at all of her uncle's stupid jokes. Because she didn't want to upset anybody. She was, she was afraid of not pleasing her family and.

This night after she finds out, she doesn't have a long time to live. She realizes like I haven't had a life like at all, and it sparks this rebellion inside of her, this Rebell inside of her. And she, she begins to just say what she thinks and do what she wants to do, because she knows she only has not very long to live.

And her family is horrified thinks she has gone crazy. And I don't. I want you all to read this book, cuz like I said, it's my favorite. So I won't ruin it for you by going more into the story. But similar to the situation that just happened to me last week, she gets this reputation in town of being, you know, what happened to Valancy..

She went off the deep end and people aren't sure what to make of her, but she is so free and happy and it just doesn't matter to her anymore. What other people think? And. That is the thing, right? .

That is the message behind just be your bad self, which is not as some people think. And this is, I think why I have a bad reputation. People think I'm telling people like, go be bad, go steal things. And I don't know what people think. But the main message of this podcast. is in order to live our best lives. We need permission to be bad, to not be perfect, to experiment and explore and do things that bring us joy without always being scared that we're not going to do them correctly.

Another quote from this book, the blue castle that I love is fear. Is the original sin and I'm gonna misquote it. But something like fear is the original sin, all evil in the world has happened because someone was afraid of something. And I think the evil that I'm fighting is the evil of. Staying small, the evil of living a small life for everybody else and not stepping into your own power.

And I think, what's needed to step into that power. Is this permission to be quote unquote bad, to not please everybody, to, to not do things as a performance for others, but to do things because it brings you joy. And I think when that happens, That's what makes the world a better place ironically?

Right. I think we're taught so often. It is the ethical thing to do to sacrifice our own pleasure, sacrifice our own happiness for the benefit of others. But you know what happens when everybody thinks that they have to sacrifice their own joy for someone else, the person they're sacrificing for also thinks it's good to sacrifice their joy for someone else.

And so who gets to feel happy in this life? Nobody. , we're all miserable trying to make each other happy and news flash. You can't do that. you can't make everybody happy. I don't know how long you've lived on this earth, but I've been here long enough to realize that is an impossible goal to set for ourselves, but it's very attainable

to figure out ways to make ourselves happy. And you know what happens when we make ourselves happy by doing the things that we want to do? We absolve everyone else from the responsibility of sacrificing themselves to make us happy, because guess what? We're gonna take that on. And we're the only ones that really can take that on.

I think a great example of this is my birthday. So my birthday is coming up in a couple of days. It's on September 12th in case anyone wants to wish me happy birthday. And for most of my life, I felt a. Disappointed by my birthday, my mom would kill herself off doing cool birthday parties, trying to be really thoughtful about the gifts that she gave me.

And I, I had a lot of really amazing birthdays, honestly, props to my mom. But I'm also My mom would say, I'm hard to please. ironically for a people pleaser. I'm not an easy person to please. And My birthday was my mom's least favorite day of the year, because she wanted so badly to make it a special day for me.

And I'm not someone who generally shows a lot of excitement about things I'm like politely appreciative. But my mom always felt like I was disappointed by my birthday. And a lot of times she was right. I don't know what it is. I don't know. I don't know what someone else could do for me. That would make me be like, yes, this was the best birthday ever.

Doesn't happen very often for me, cuz I'm such a idealist, I think. But after I got married to my husband, whom I love dearly my first birthday. With him. I think my mom had warned him. Like, good. She's yours. Now you can worry about her on her birthday. He gave me floss picks for my birthday. Like he wrapped them up.

It was a sincere present because that's something that he would like. I have like the most practical husband in the whole world. And he gave me floss picks for my birthday. And he probably gave me a couple of other things too, but that's all I remember. And that day I remember thinking, okay, if I ever want to enjoy my birthday again, I've gotta take it over.

And so since that very first year, I do not expect. Anybody else to plan anything for my birthday or give me any gifts. Instead, I decided like I'm gonna do what I want on my birthday. So this year I've scheduled myself a massage. I have a bunch of gift cards that I won from an art contest that I'm gonna go on a little shopping spree.

I might get a facial in years past. I've bought myself a book and taken myself out to lunch. And my husband knows that his job is pretty much to just be in charge of the kids so I can go celebrate myself on my birthday. And I have had a great birthday every year since I made this decision. And you know, what else, everyone in my life isn't miserable on my birthday because it's not up to them.

to make sure I have a good birthday. It's my job and what a gift to them. Right. The gift of being in charge of our own happiness. Seriously, it's an incredibly beautiful gift. Think of the people in your life that you feel responsible for their happiness.

Think how freeing it would. They took that over for themselves. And it's not like we don't, we, we want other people to be happy, right? This is where it gets mind blowing is we sincerely want the people that we love to be happy, but at the same time, we feel like it's selfish to prioritize our own happiness.

Isn't that a little weird, like. we see that it would be a gift if other people would take charge of their own happiness and prioritize their needs and make sure that they had a good life so that we didn't feel like we had to do that for them, but how difficult that is for us to do for ourselves. I think, especially women and caregivers.

Mothers struggle with this one. Because of the way we've been conditioned and culturalized, I think all of us struggle with this on some extent, but I think mothers, this hits especially hard. It is a gift. Your happiness is a gift that you give to others.

And I think the gift right next to that, to let other people be in charge of their own happiness, because guess what? It doesn't matter how much you love someone. You are not, you do not know them well enough and you do not have the power to make someone else happy. You don't.

That is. Up to them. And so the best thing you can do is take charge of your own happiness, absolve them from the responsibility of your happiness and show them the way that they can be happy by being in charge of their own happiness and caring less what each other thinks, because it, it just doesn't matter.

It just really doesn't matter. And I, once again, I feel like I have to really clarify. Although, if you have been listening to this podcast for a while, you're not the people I need to clarify to, but I am not saying go, go steal stuff and go do morally unethical things. I'm saying stick to your own values.

Yeah, so. It's kind of a short episode, but I love you all. Thank you to everyone who has listened to this podcast, shared this podcast. Subscribe to this podcast, come to one of my retreats, followed me on Instagram. Sent me encouraging messages. I just, my life. Exploded in the best of ways this last year.

And it's largely due to the people, to you, to the people I've connected with just from being brave one day and putting out a really messy podcast intro And I've got some really exciting new things and changes coming down the pipe soon. Um, Hopefully the beginning of next year, I'm not exactly sure what these changes are gonna look like.

So I can't officially announce them to you, but I just. Things are changing in a really cool way. And I'm excited about what I'm gonna have to offer you by way of this podcast, by way of other things I may have available for you in the coming months. So please, if you haven't already, subscribe to this podcast so that you get notifications of when new episodes are available and follow me on instagram. I'll be honest. If you follow me on Facebook, Facebook's like kind of the dumpster fire for politics. In my opinion, FA Facebook is still where I go, where I just need to vent about something that happened in the news. And I know it's just a dumpster fire, so that's really not the best place to follow me, Instagram.

Is my jam. Like that's, that's kind of where this messaging comes out the most and where you can engage with me. So follow me on Instagram at just be your bad self. Hopefully I'll have an email list available soon that you can sign up for. That's something that I've, I've neglected mostly, cuz I hate getting lots of email, so I feel bad sending people email, but if that's your, if that's your thing, hopefully I'll have that available for you soon.

I guess last announcement. The final retreat of this year is coming up in October. We have five ish maybe up to 10, depending on room situations, more spots available for this retreat in October, it's called the tap into your magic retreat. And I. Don't think I have ever been so excited about a retreat before.

This is like my inner child is so happy that we finally get to play with magic. Cause it's something I felt was taboo as a kid. So there will be TA readings and candlelight and Witchy workshops with Anna Beck. The drama therapist that I love to work with, we're gonna do nature hikes and flower crowns and bonfires, and luxury picnics.

I've hired an amazing chef to come cook food. We're gonna do spells like all the fun, magic things that your heart really wants to do, but maybe your head thinks is silly. That's what we're gonna be doing at this retreat. And it is going to. So fun. And ultimately it is about not just the fun of magic, although there will be that ultimately it is about tapping into that inner power that I'm talking about on this podcast, tapping into that appreciation for yourself.

And. and that be your bad selfness, right? That's what all my retreats are ultimately about. This one just happens to be a really fun magic E theme. So if you're interested in that again, go to my Instagram or you can go to just be your bad self.com. There will be a link to the retreat website there. So have a fabulous next few weeks or months, however long it is till you hear my voice again on this podcast. And I am excited to connect with you again soon.

Closing episode for Year 1

Kimber: All right folks, this episode is going to be the wrap up for the year. I think I'm finally caught up with all of the interviews I have done so far. And my business coach told me, I need to tell everyone when I'm going to be releasing. My next episodes, but the honest truth is I really don't know being by bad self, right.

It could be three weeks from now when I start recording again, it could be next year after the holidays. If. You have been enjoying this podcast and don't want to miss when I start the next season, make sure you're following me on Instagram at just be your bad self, because that is where I am the most engaged and keeping everybody updated on what I am up to.

So that being said today marks a year. Since I last recorded my very first episode, I recorded and released my first episode on September 10th of last year and a whole year has gone by and wow. I've learned. I've learned so much. I feel like my life has changed so much. I've hosted retreats. I have watched, as my message has spread.

And as people have come and experienced this idea of just being your bad self and loving yourself and what that can do to a person's life. I've watched several people after my retreats. Who've just really. Stepped into like stepped into a different dimension and their lives have just, I don't know, they just look empowered and happy.

And it's a hint to me that this is something that I should probably keep going with that this idea is an important one to share. I had something happen to me. Last week that really , it really helped me feel like I've come full circle

so I'm gonna tell this story to you. I had a coffee date with a friend a couple of weeks ago, a new friend. This was the first time we had actually gotta sit down and chat. And she told me that her mother-in-law had found out that this friend was going to go to a coffee date with me, or that she knew me.

Her mother-in-law was horrified and called her son. So my friend's husband and said, do you know your wife's been hanging out with that Kimber girl?

And she has some podcast about being bad and she did some sex retreat at the beginning of the year. . And this mother-in-law was just really horrified that her daughter-in-law knew me and was possibly friends with me. And my friend was really sweet. She said, she sat down with her. Mother-in-law really explained what I was all about.

And why she's my friend and why she likes me, which is really kind of her. But I have to say my favorite part of the story is that her mother-in-law. Said she's hanging out with that Kimber girl, because it means I have like a reputation in my hometown of being rebellious, which is something in my wildest dreams.

I would never ever have thought that I would have a reputation like that. And honestly, I'm absolutely giddy about it because I'm living, it means I'm living what I preach. I'm being my bad self. I'm not. Worried so much about what other people think of me. I just have something that I feel passionately about and I am going for it the way I want to.

And it. Such a cool feeling to hear that. Yeah, there are definitely people in my hometown that do not like what I am doing. Some may argue that it's because they don't understand what I'm doing, which is a possibility, but I think even some people that get it still are not happy with what I'm doing and I don't care I don't care.

And it's such, I feel so free and happy and like, I don't know, because I love what I'm doing. I know that what I'm doing is aligned with me and is important and is valuable to the world. And it really, really doesn't matter what other people think. Anyways, super it's like my favorite story of the year that this happened.

And it reminded me a little bit of. My favorite book of all time. I'm guessing most of you listening to this have not read this book. It's called the blue castle, but it was written by an author who most of you probably do

Kimber: know L. M. Montgomery. She is the author of, and of green Gables, which I'm guessing most of you are, are pretty familiar with.

So the blue castle, and this has been my favorite book since way before this podcast. Since I was 12, I loved this book and, and the gist of this book is , it starts on the Eve of her. Name's Valancy Valancy's 29th birthday. She's living at home with her mom and her, her aunt. And she's just depressed because she realizes.

Her, life's just depressing. She's an old maid. She feels like she has nothing to live for. And she ends up going to this heart doctor because she's had a heart problem for a while. And she gets a letter from him saying that she does have a heart condition and that it's fatal and that she may have a few weeks to live.

She may have a few months to live, but that she's not very long for this world. And this letter. Causes Valancy to think back over her life. And there's a line in there that says something about rebellion flamed up inside of her. Not because she had no future, but because she had no past. She was the epitome of a people pleaser.

She lived in this small town surrounded by her family. She had no opinions on anything cuz she didn't wanna upset anybody. She didn't do anything that was out of the ordinary. She was incredibly obedient, laughed at all of her uncle's stupid jokes. Because she didn't want to upset anybody. She was, she was afraid of not pleasing her family and.

This night after she finds out, she doesn't have a long time to live. She realizes like I haven't had a life like at all, and it sparks this rebellion inside of her, this Rebell inside of her. And she, she begins to just say what she thinks and do what she wants to do, because she knows she only has not very long to live.

And her family is horrified thinks she has gone crazy. And I don't. I want you all to read this book, cuz like I said, it's my favorite. So I won't ruin it for you by going more into the story. But similar to the situation that just happened to me last week, she gets this reputation in town of being, you know, what happened to Valancy..

She went off the deep end and people aren't sure what to make of her, but she is so free and happy and it just doesn't matter to her anymore. What other people think? And. That is the thing, right? .

That is the message behind just be your bad self, which is not as some people think. And this is, I think why I have a bad reputation. People think I'm telling people like, go be bad, go steal things. And I don't know what people think. But the main message of this podcast. is in order to live our best lives. We need permission to be bad, to not be perfect, to experiment and explore and do things that bring us joy without always being scared that we're not going to do them correctly.

Another quote from this book, the blue castle that I love is fear. Is the original sin and I'm gonna misquote it. But something like fear is the original sin, all evil in the world has happened because someone was afraid of something. And I think the evil that I'm fighting is the evil of. Staying small, the evil of living a small life for everybody else and not stepping into your own power.

And I think, what's needed to step into that power. Is this permission to be quote unquote bad, to not please everybody, to, to not do things as a performance for others, but to do things because it brings you joy. And I think when that happens, That's what makes the world a better place ironically?

Right. I think we're taught so often. It is the ethical thing to do to sacrifice our own pleasure, sacrifice our own happiness for the benefit of others. But you know what happens when everybody thinks that they have to sacrifice their own joy for someone else, the person they're sacrificing for also thinks it's good to sacrifice their joy for someone else.

And so who gets to feel happy in this life? Nobody. , we're all miserable trying to make each other happy and news flash. You can't do that. you can't make everybody happy. I don't know how long you've lived on this earth, but I've been here long enough to realize that is an impossible goal to set for ourselves, but it's very attainable

to figure out ways to make ourselves happy. And you know what happens when we make ourselves happy by doing the things that we want to do? We absolve everyone else from the responsibility of sacrificing themselves to make us happy, because guess what? We're gonna take that on. And we're the only ones that really can take that on.

I think a great example of this is my birthday. So my birthday is coming up in a couple of days. It's on September 12th in case anyone wants to wish me happy birthday. And for most of my life, I felt a. Disappointed by my birthday, my mom would kill herself off doing cool birthday parties, trying to be really thoughtful about the gifts that she gave me.

And I, I had a lot of really amazing birthdays, honestly, props to my mom. But I'm also My mom would say, I'm hard to please. ironically for a people pleaser. I'm not an easy person to please. And My birthday was my mom's least favorite day of the year, because she wanted so badly to make it a special day for me.

And I'm not someone who generally shows a lot of excitement about things I'm like politely appreciative. But my mom always felt like I was disappointed by my birthday. And a lot of times she was right. I don't know what it is. I don't know. I don't know what someone else could do for me. That would make me be like, yes, this was the best birthday ever.

Doesn't happen very often for me, cuz I'm such a idealist, I think. But after I got married to my husband, whom I love dearly my first birthday. With him. I think my mom had warned him. Like, good. She's yours. Now you can worry about her on her birthday. He gave me floss picks for my birthday. Like he wrapped them up.

It was a sincere present because that's something that he would like. I have like the most practical husband in the whole world. And he gave me floss picks for my birthday. And he probably gave me a couple of other things too, but that's all I remember. And that day I remember thinking, okay, if I ever want to enjoy my birthday again, I've gotta take it over.

And so since that very first year, I do not expect. Anybody else to plan anything for my birthday or give me any gifts. Instead, I decided like I'm gonna do what I want on my birthday. So this year I've scheduled myself a massage. I have a bunch of gift cards that I won from an art contest that I'm gonna go on a little shopping spree.

I might get a facial in years past. I've bought myself a book and taken myself out to lunch. And my husband knows that his job is pretty much to just be in charge of the kids so I can go celebrate myself on my birthday. And I have had a great birthday every year since I made this decision. And you know, what else, everyone in my life isn't miserable on my birthday because it's not up to them.

to make sure I have a good birthday. It's my job and what a gift to them. Right. The gift of being in charge of our own happiness. Seriously, it's an incredibly beautiful gift. Think of the people in your life that you feel responsible for their happiness.

Think how freeing it would. They took that over for themselves. And it's not like we don't, we, we want other people to be happy, right? This is where it gets mind blowing is we sincerely want the people that we love to be happy, but at the same time, we feel like it's selfish to prioritize our own happiness.

Isn't that a little weird, like. we see that it would be a gift if other people would take charge of their own happiness and prioritize their needs and make sure that they had a good life so that we didn't feel like we had to do that for them, but how difficult that is for us to do for ourselves. I think, especially women and caregivers.

Mothers struggle with this one. Because of the way we've been conditioned and culturalized, I think all of us struggle with this on some extent, but I think mothers, this hits especially hard. It is a gift. Your happiness is a gift that you give to others.

And I think the gift right next to that, to let other people be in charge of their own happiness, because guess what? It doesn't matter how much you love someone. You are not, you do not know them well enough and you do not have the power to make someone else happy. You don't.

That is. Up to them. And so the best thing you can do is take charge of your own happiness, absolve them from the responsibility of your happiness and show them the way that they can be happy by being in charge of their own happiness and caring less what each other thinks, because it, it just doesn't matter.

It just really doesn't matter. And I, once again, I feel like I have to really clarify. Although, if you have been listening to this podcast for a while, you're not the people I need to clarify to, but I am not saying go, go steal stuff and go do morally unethical things. I'm saying stick to your own values.

Yeah, so. It's kind of a short episode, but I love you all. Thank you to everyone who has listened to this podcast, shared this podcast. Subscribe to this podcast, come to one of my retreats, followed me on Instagram. Sent me encouraging messages. I just, my life. Exploded in the best of ways this last year.

And it's largely due to the people, to you, to the people I've connected with just from being brave one day and putting out a really messy podcast intro And I've got some really exciting new things and changes coming down the pipe soon. Um, Hopefully the beginning of next year, I'm not exactly sure what these changes are gonna look like.

So I can't officially announce them to you, but I just. Things are changing in a really cool way. And I'm excited about what I'm gonna have to offer you by way of this podcast, by way of other things I may have available for you in the coming months. So please, if you haven't already, subscribe to this podcast so that you get notifications of when new episodes are available and follow me on instagram. I'll be honest. If you follow me on Facebook, Facebook's like kind of the dumpster fire for politics. In my opinion, FA Facebook is still where I go, where I just need to vent about something that happened in the news. And I know it's just a dumpster fire, so that's really not the best place to follow me, Instagram.

Is my jam. Like that's, that's kind of where this messaging comes out the most and where you can engage with me. So follow me on Instagram at just be your bad self. Hopefully I'll have an email list available soon that you can sign up for. That's something that I've, I've neglected mostly, cuz I hate getting lots of email, so I feel bad sending people email, but if that's your, if that's your thing, hopefully I'll have that available for you soon.

I guess last announcement. The final retreat of this year is coming up in October. We have five ish maybe up to 10, depending on room situations, more spots available for this retreat in October, it's called the tap into your magic retreat. And I. Don't think I have ever been so excited about a retreat before.

This is like my inner child is so happy that we finally get to play with magic. Cause it's something I felt was taboo as a kid. So there will be TA readings and candlelight and Witchy workshops with Anna Beck. The drama therapist that I love to work with, we're gonna do nature hikes and flower crowns and bonfires, and luxury picnics.

I've hired an amazing chef to come cook food. We're gonna do spells like all the fun, magic things that your heart really wants to do, but maybe your head thinks is silly. That's what we're gonna be doing at this retreat. And it is going to. So fun. And ultimately it is about not just the fun of magic, although there will be that ultimately it is about tapping into that inner power that I'm talking about on this podcast, tapping into that appreciation for yourself.

And. and that be your bad selfness, right? That's what all my retreats are ultimately about. This one just happens to be a really fun magic E theme. So if you're interested in that again, go to my Instagram or you can go to just be your bad self.com. There will be a link to the retreat website there. So have a fabulous next few weeks or months, however long it is till you hear my voice again on this podcast. And I am excited to connect with you again soon.