On Being Seen and Feeling Held

[00:00:00] Kimber: Welcome back to the "just be your bad self podcast", where you are enough, just the way you are. I'm your host, Kimber Dutton. And today I'm going to talk to you about being held. I've had a few experiences this last month, which have really shaped. Some interesting thoughts for me and maybe some new perspectives on, on life.

[00:00:38] And I, I have so many prerecorded podcast episodes that I'm excited to share with you, but I also have had a lot of these thoughts lately that I have felt pulled to, to share with everyone else. The two main experiences that I want to talk to you about on this podcast are some events that I was involved in over the past month.

[00:01:02] I hosted the, just be your bad self retreat in January, which was a women's retreat just based around authenticity and being your bad self. And then. Just this weekend. I was invited to be the MC slash host at a post Mormon event called thrive here in Southern Utah and some experiences and thoughts around these two events are what I want to share with you today.

[00:01:34] And I, I don't have anything written out. I'm just going to be kind of winging it here. So I guess we'll see how this goes. So. One thing I've noticed about myself having these two events kind of back to back is that about two days before, before the event, I get thrown into a really dark space, my anxiety rears its ugly head and my ego.

[00:02:04] Really beats up on me about why are you doing this? Why do you think you can pull this off? This, this, this, this, and this can, can go wrong. And I'm sure a lot of you have experienced this feeling of like, just wishing, wishing you are going to get COVID or sprain your ankle, or just have a really good excuse to not show up at this thing.

[00:02:26] That's causing you a lot of anxiety. So it's been good for me that I had these two events pretty close together within a month because I've recognized this pattern in myself for some reason, about two days before the event my anxiety kind of builds, builds, builds, and then two days before the event, I'm in just a dark anxiety ridden space.

[00:02:48] And I'm really. Proud of myself. I think it's partly because of the work that I've been doing with this podcast and the message that I've been, been sharing with all of you, but, but largely been sharing for myself of just be your best self. Let people see your shadows be vulnerable. These are all things I care so much about, but that are, that are hard for me, broadcast to your needs.

[00:03:12] Ask for help. All of these themes are really hard for me. But I'm really proud of myself that both times before both events, when I got in this dark space, I let someone see that I was there before the retreat. I reached out to my team that was helping me put on this retreat. I told them that I was super anxious, that I was feeling discouraged and.

[00:03:42] The women that I had helping with helping me with the retreat reached out, reached back to me with the most loving, supportive Kimber. This is going to be awesome. Whoever needs to be at this retreat is going to be there. I'm so excited for this. They, they just, they had so many kind. Loving messages for me that it helped me get through the next day into the retreat.

[00:04:08] And then at the retreat, I can't remember if I've talked about this on the podcast before I know that I've done at least one post on my Instagram account about this, but at the retreat I felt so held. I felt like.

[00:04:25] Everyone there was there for a reason and was able to do the thing that they were best at. And I was able to have put this thing together and then sit back and rest knowing that everything was gonna work out. Okay. And part of the reason I think I was able to do that. And part of the reason also that this retreat was so magical is because all of the women at the retreat.

[00:04:49] Let themselves be seen in a very big way. And this happened very much again at this thrive event that I just hosted two days before. Once again, I haven't talked about this on the podcast, but if you follow me on Instagram, I did post about it there. I did a post about the deep dark muddy hole. I just.

[00:05:11] Was super depressed, super anxious, just in a very bleak black place, two days again before this event. And once again, because this is what my message is about. Just be your bad self, let yourself be seen the way you are. I did an Instagram post in the middle of feeling horrible and it felt very vulnerable.

[00:05:38] I felt kind of embarrassed that I was sharing it. I don't want, I didn't want people to pity me. I didn't want people to think, wow, this girl's got a lot going on. Why does she think she can have a podcast where she's teaching other people to love themselves when she's obviously struggling so hard, all these questions.

[00:05:56] But I posted it anyways. And once again, The amazing community that I've started to build on Instagram was there. And exactly what I was hoping would happen by me sharing that post happened, which was other people were able to say, me too, I struggle with this too. Or I've been there. I'm sending you love.

[00:06:18] I did not feel pitied. I just felt loved. And once again, I felt very held and. I have more thoughts around this that I want to share. But the first one is that it's only when we allow other people to truly see us, all of us, especially the parts that we may feel shame about. It's only then when we let people see that, that we can feel truly held.

[00:06:58] I think a lot of times what we do is we want to feel that connection we want to be loved. And so the parts of ourselves that we deem unlovable, we hide, and what we don't realize is. That until we can let those unlovable parts of ourselves or what we think is unlovable be seen, then we can never really feel loved because there's always that part of us that we think, well, if they knew this about me, they wouldn't love me.

[00:07:28] They wouldn't, they wouldn't hold space for that about me. And that's why Bernay Brown's work is so important about this idea of wholehearted living and being vulnerable. Because that's when you find your people. And so I've witnessed this for myself, this feeling of letting myself be seen and feeling held.

[00:07:47] And at both of these events, I witnessed the same thing for other people. These events were both meant as safe spaces for people to be seen for, for some of their shadow stuff that maybe they felt shame about. The retreat that I did was for women. So many women there shared feelings around sexual abuse, motherhood feeling tired things that they hadn't shared, or hadn't found a safe space to share with others, but were able to find a safe space at this retreat.

[00:08:24] And. This connection that happened was incredible. And I, I think all of us felt really held, but only because we all let ourselves be seen. And again, at this event over the weekend, which was for thrive is about thriving beyond religion. So it was founded by post Mormons, but it's meant for people who want to find community beyond maybe the religious communities that they've come from and.

[00:08:54] Once again, people have, we're allowed to share things with each other that in the past they had felt so much shame about that. They had been told, meant they were followers of Satan or dirty or, or whatever things that people felt a lot of shame about. There was a safe space that people could talk about these things and just feel so, so held.

[00:09:24] And so that's why I really wanted to do a podcast episode about this. This is what all what I'm doing is about I'll have to laugh at myself because I've done a lot of podcasts episodes where I say, this is what it's about. This is what it's about. And so think of it as kind of like a diamond with lots of different facets.

[00:09:43] But this idea. Being authentic, which doesn't mean just letting people see the authentic good parts of you. I'm taking a coaching course. And in this course I shared with my coach about my burnout posts and my burnout episode that I did on the podcast about how interesting it was that I felt like I made these vulnerable shares, that I felt a lot of shame about that.

[00:10:14] My ego told me it was a horrible idea. Don't post these things. Don't let people see this about you and. Every time that I've done that every time that I've just let my ego go crazy and do the thing that I want to do anyway, and be vulnerable. Anyways, those are the times that I have found the most connection with people that the most people have reached out to me and said, thank you for seeing this.

[00:10:38] I feel so seen. Just so much connection happening over these posts that are the hardest ones for me to do because no one else is doing this. Like, what's wrong with me? Maybe I shouldn't be vulnerable people. Won't won't like me, whatever, all these thoughts I have. And so I was telling her about this and how interesting that was.

[00:11:00] And, and she said, isn't that what freedom is.

[00:11:09] Isn't that what freedom is to just show up as you and be seen. And I think the reason that word freedom meant so much to me is because a lot of why I do what I do and a lot of. The motivation for me, hustling so hard and trying so hard and other areas of my life is because I want to feel free. I would, I want to bring in an income.

[00:11:41] I want to keep my house clean. I want to move to a certain place or, you know, a lot of the motivation behind some of my more, hustley try so hard. Try to change myself, read more books, get more information is because I want to feel. The sense of freedom. And my ego tells me that if you really want to feel free, you have to be perfect once you're perfect, then you can feel free to be happy to have joy, to have fun.

[00:12:13] You have to read all the books, you have to know all the information you have to keep the perfect house. You have to live in the right location. You have to make the right amount of the money. Once you figured all of that out, once you've tried hard enough. Then you can feel free. And to hear her say to me, isn't that freedom.

[00:12:37] When you let people see you the way you are, it's going to make me tear up on the podcast. When you let people see you the way you are and the things you're ashamed about, and that you have a hard time loving about yourself. When you let people see that you feel seen and loved, isn't that freedom

[00:13:07] I haven't fully processed that yet, but I've been thinking a lot about it. Wouldn't that be amazing if instead of feeling like we had to try harder. To be worthy of love. We can just let ourselves be seen. And that's how we find out that we are worthy of love.

[00:13:29] And if we don't do that, we're never going to find out that we're worthy of love, because guess what? We've set the bar for our worthiness at perfection. And perfection. I keep saying this and part of me is just trying to convince myself perfection doesn't exist. It's a myth. It's not a reality. And how sad for us, if we keep that bar for ourselves of when we're worthy of love, because then we'll never get a feel that

[00:14:05] couple other things I want to talk to you about. One is after I came home from the retreat, I talked to Tara Allen. I've had her on the podcast. She's my, my friend and life coach. And I talked to her the day after I came back from the retreat and she wanted to hear all about it. And And how I was doing afterwards.

[00:14:29] And I told her, you know, at this retreat I felt so held. I described this, held feeling to her and I said, and then I come home. And I have laundry to do and dishes to do, and the fridge is empty and I need to go grocery shopping and my kids want me to be with them. And I just feel pulled in all of these directions and discouraged and like, I don't have the energy to do it all.

[00:14:55] And all I want to do is sit and rebel in this experience at this retreat that I just had. And She took some time with me and she said, let's, let's start by just sticking a flag in the stand and celebrating what you just did this weekend. And then maybe we can take some of what you experienced over the weekend and, and use it to move forward in your everyday life.

[00:15:19] And we talked about the retreat. We talked about some of the really amazing, magical things that happened there. And she, she asked. Like what the highlight was for me. And I told her about the very first night getting there, being exhausted from all the prep work that I, I had done over the past several months to get that space and everything ready to go.

[00:15:40] And then the first night being so exhausted and needing to go to bed early and. Normally, I have a lot of FOMO, fear of missing out, and I would have made myself stay up just so I didn't miss out on any, any of the conversations I knew were going to happen, but that night I just, I just knew I needed to go to bed.

[00:15:59] I went up, I laid down and this was the highlight of the retreat for me. It was this moment when I was by myself and I, and I felt held, I just felt. I knew that everybody else was holding space for each other, that I had chosen some amazing women that were also helping hold space and doing the things that needed to be done for this retreat to be a success.

[00:16:24] And that I could, I could rest and feel held in that, and. We talked, we talked about this feeling and how, how do I take that into, into my everyday life? Because I come home and I do not feel that way at all. I feel like it's my job to do everything. And a lot of guilt when I can't and, and that held feeling.

[00:16:47] I didn't feel that when I came home from the retreat and, and Tara, who is. Incredibly gifted and very intuitive told me, she said, I have this. I feel like you need to get better at realizing where Kimber ends and what, what you have energy for. And what is you, what is for you ends and where someone else begins.

[00:17:19] And I feel like that needs, you need to have a lot of clarity around that and have work on having some defined edges, which turned into a really enlightening talk about, about boundaries. We kept talking about these edges and she said If you don't have edges, if you don't know where you end and someone else begins, if that's not defined, you can't be held.

[00:17:44] Think about water, water, doesn't have those defined edges and it's, you can't hold water. He can't really grasp water in your hands. It'll slip right out of your fingers. But if you had a bowl or a cup that has very defined edges, you can hold that. And in turn that vessel bowl or cup or whatever you are imagining can hold.

[00:18:06] Water with its boundaries. Right. We had a very cool conversation all around this. I'm kind of hoping Tara, if you're listening to this episode, I'm hoping you'll write a cool poem about this idea of, of defined edges and, and vessels. But as I thought more about that, I also thought about how sometimes I'm scared that if I say.

[00:18:25] Boundaries. If I say, this is where I end, this is what I'm willing to do. This is what I'm not willing to do. This has, for me, this is not for me. I think I worry that no one will want to hold me. Maybe my edges. Their hands very well. And I think part of the reason boundaries are hard for me is because I want to be for everyone.

[00:18:47] I want to help everyone. I want to be everything to everyone. And I have a hard time setting boundaries and Tara and I connected again. And I told her, I realized that that's okay. That's okay. That I'm not going to be for everyone. That's okay. That my boundaries aren't going to work for everyone. The magic comes in.

[00:19:11] When I do find a good fit with me, I have these edges. I have these boundaries. I don't fit everyone's hands, but the people who can hold my boundaries, hold space for my boundaries. Those are the people that get to experience the magic within me. Just imagining this vessel, this bowl, this cup, you only get a drink what's inside of that vessel.

[00:19:36] If you're willing to hold the boundaries of the vessel.

[00:19:41] And that was a cool thought for me that it's okay. That I'm not for everybody. And only the people that are willing to hold space for my boundaries and who I am are the ones that get to experience all that I have to give. And I have so much to give.

[00:19:57] So kind of along those lines, I, one of the experiences I had this weekend at the thrive event is that I got invited to an after party the first night I felt so cool. I felt like I was finally one of the cool kids and I got there. And it just. It wasn't my vibe. And you know, I talk about the highlight of.

[00:20:27] My retreat being there. They're not the parts that I would guess would be my highlights because there were so many cool things that happened at both of these events that were amazing, but the parts that stuck out the most to me for the retreat was when I was alone, laying in bed and not feeling that FOMO and feeling held.

[00:20:43] And one of the biggest highlights for me at this thrive event is at this after party that I didn't enjoy. But it was such a profound moment for me because here I was, I was considered, I don't know. And I'm reading it. I'm attaching meaning to this that may or may not have been there, but I felt cool.

[00:21:00] You know, I was kind of a music nerd in high school and in high school, you know, you always have to, it's like, you're obligated to feel like you should be one of the cool, popular kids. And so here I was at the cool kid party is what I'm going to call it. And like I said, this may not, or may not be true in my experience was very possibly not what other people were experiencing at this party.

[00:21:23] But I'm just telling you my experience. I was so excited. I felt like, oh, I must have made it. I got invited to the after party, this event. And then to go and realize, oh, this, this isn't my scene. Like I'm not really into what's happening at this party. Was weirdly such a profound moment for me because going back to this idea of a vessel.

[00:21:53] It felt like a defined edge for me. I didn't feel like I had to stay at that party to prove myself. And I had the confidence to just know this isn't for me.

[00:22:07] And to leave. I don't know if I can even get across on this podcast, how cool that is for me to not feel like I have to fit in everywhere and to realize that it's okay, that I don't want to be at this place. And once again, no shade on anybody that wanted to be there. I it's just, you know, that wasn't my scene.

[00:22:28] That was a really cool moment for me to not feel like I had to somehow fit myself into this thing or think, oh, what's wrong with me that I'm not enjoying this. I have to be, you don't have to be cool. I have to sing pop karaoke. I have to talk in this certain way so that I fit in here instead of feeling that way, like there was something wrong with me.

[00:22:51] It was this feeling of a defined edge of oh, who I am isn't for this party and what this party is isn't for me. And it wasn't a matter of what's wrong with this party or what's wrong with Kimber that she doesn't fit in. What's wrong with me. I'm not cool enough to be here. It was just, oh, this, this isn't a match.

[00:23:18] And that was such a cool feeling for me. It reminded me of being in high school. I developed breasts kind of early. I was tall and when I went to high school in the 2003 to 2007, and at the time it was really flimsy t-shirts just the styles. Didn't. Fit, my more mature body. The styles that were in or that I thought were in were for more flat-chested super thin teenagers.

[00:23:52] And, and I did not look good in what was popular at the time. And also I hadn't really developed a sense of what, what I did look good in and what I liked. And I remember going shopping and just hating. And hating myself and hating my own body because what was wrong with me? I didn't look good in good in these clothes.

[00:24:16] And this is the most I've got teary on one podcast episode. I hated my breasts. I did not understand why my mom would tell me that one day I would like them because all I could see is. I don't look like the girls that I want to be like, I don't look like the popular girls or, or whoever that I had held up as who I was supposed to be.

[00:24:36] Like, all I knew is I wasn't supposed to be like myself because I wasn't lovable the way I was. I didn't fit in the right clothes the right way. And my mom. Had the wisdom. I didn't have the maturity or wisdom to really hear what she was saying. Although I must have heard it enough that I still remember it over 10 years later.

[00:25:02] Oh my gosh. How long has it been? Probably more like 20 years later, I'm getting older, but I still remember her saying something about just because the clothes don't fit. You doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It means you need to go find clothes that fit you. That look good on you? I couldn't hear that as a teenager, all I could see was that there was something wrong with me that I didn't fit the clothes.

[00:25:30] Not that maybe these weren't the clothes for me. Maybe these weren't the clothes that would make me feel comfortable and beautiful, and that would fit my body the right way. I'm so thankful

[00:25:42] that I have grown out of that stage. I know there's a lot of women. That's still very much feel the way I did as a teenager. What's wrong with me. What's wrong with my body, that I don't fit these clothes and I don't fit these ideals of what the media is saying is good and lovable. What's wrong with me?

[00:26:01] Nothing's wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with you. The clothes, those clothes aren't for you and that's okay. The people that love the bodies. And I will say, I think society and media is getting so much more accepting of all shapes and sizes and body presentations. And I think we're. Growing to an extent, but I think there's still this idea that we all need to look like a Kardashian or Beyonce or whoever, whatever celebrity body you wish you looked like.

[00:26:41] And the truth is it's cool that they have those bodies. And it's cool that there are people that that type of body is the kind of body that they know. What am I trying to say here?

[00:26:58] Just because you don't look like someone else who a lot of people like doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. You just may not be for certain people or certain clothing types or certain whatever. And those people in clothing and ideals may not be for you. And there's nothing wrong with that.

[00:27:25] You just need to go shopping somewhere else. You need to find different clothes that you feel good in and that fit you, that fit your body.

[00:27:38] I'm only just beginning to get this. And I think the only reason that I'm beginning to get this, it was because I've started thinking about it so much because of this podcast and this idea of just be your bad self. You are lovable. You are lovable. You are enough. There is nothing wrong with you. I think the biggest area that I'm struggling in the middle of super, super struggling with this concept right now is with motherhood

[00:28:16] between Pinterest and. Motherhood models I've had growing up, including my own mom and my friends and things. I was taught in my religion. There is this, like speaking of the bar of perfection, the perfect mother. There's no freaking way that woman exists. We have so many of ideas, so many ideas of what it means to be the perfect mom.

[00:28:46] And it is not humanly possible to be that person, the person who dresses their kids cute every day, who has a beautifully, kept beautifully decorated home. That is always vacuumed and smells good. And. Makes the healthy meals and is just so loving to their kids. The perfect mom in my head, both homeschools her kids and is a working mom who brings in income and shows her daughters what it means to be a powerful woman, a powerful, independent woman.

[00:29:26] Oh, I could go on forever and Pinterest has just made this worse and it is so hard as a mom to see, to be able to say like, I wasn't able to say as a teenager, oh, those clothes don't fit my body instead. I'm right in the middle of this. What's wrong with me? Why don't I want to make my gosh, I'm going to cry again.

[00:29:58] Why don't I want to make a Q Valentine's box for my daughter to take to school. Do I not love her enough? Do I not love my kids as these other, as much as these other moms love their kids who take the time in the mornings to do their daughter's hair. So cute. And they're. Their clothes are always ironed.

[00:30:20] Kids look so put together. So I not love my family enough that I'm not excited to make them dinner at night, but I really hate grocery shopping that I want to have a podcast instead of just being a fully present mom, what's wrong with me?

[00:30:42] Good thing. My podcast is about being vulnerable.

[00:30:50] Part of the reason they do this. And then I'm going to air this episode just because so many of you who are listening have, let me see you. And I can have the courage to do those because I know I'm not alone. I think all moms feel this way. We're all

[00:31:16] comparing ourselves to each other and we're all falling short, every single one of us. And I think if you're a mom, you feel this way, you feel this way that I'm feeling.

[00:31:35] At what point? As moms that as women and as humans, right? Any of us men I'm sure go through this. I don't know. Maybe not as severely as moms, but maybe, I don't know. I'm not a man. That's not my experience. But I would imagine we all feel this way in some way or another. And when do we get a say I'm enough?

[00:31:57] I love my kids. I know. I love my kids. And my kids are the kids that get the mom that likes to be involved in her community and likes to create and likes to cuddle them and likes to travel with them. And

[00:32:14] When do I get a feel like. It's okay. That I'm not the mom that makes homemade bread and loves cooking, healthy meals every day. And sometimes I am that mom, not the bread mom, but sometimes I like cooking healthy meals, not every day. Maybe I'm not the homeschool mom or maybe I'm not that mom right now.

[00:32:34] Maybe I'm not all the moms. I wish I were every day. Maybe I'm this mom today. Maybe I'm the mom today. Shows her girls, that's fun to be an adult because you still get to do things you love. Maybe I'm the mom who shows my girls, but it's also okay to take a break from that person and cuddle and snuggle and do fun things together.

[00:33:01] Maybe,

[00:33:06] maybe I'm the mom. That teaches her girls. They're lovable, even if they don't have iron clothes and perfect hair every day. And, and maybe I'm the mom that teaches her girls how to love themselves, whatever way they are. And how cool is that? I want to be that mom, I would love to have that experience I had over the weekend at this party of realizing.

[00:33:36] Oh, I don't really want to be the mom that does the hand dyed Easter eggs and whatever. And that's okay. That's cool that some people want to do that. That's not for me. I'm not for that. And that's not for me. And that doesn't mean that's wrong. And that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. That's just not for me.

[00:33:58] And I'm not for that. I'm the mom that when my kids get older, I'm going to love, reading out loud to them. Harry Potter and Ella enchanted and share these magical books that I grew up with. I'm that mom that's. I'm the mom that lets my kids do a lot of things on their own and be independent and have autonomy because I value that and that's for me and that's okay.

[00:34:25] And other moms that are really involved and, you know, homeschool their kids and around the parent, whatever board is at school and make the Valentine's boxes and the hand dyed eggs like, wow, those kids are so lucky to have that mom. But that's, that's not the kind of mom I am, but that's okay. And that's cool.

[00:34:46] And my kids are lucky to have me and the kind of mom that I am.

[00:34:53] I'm not there yet with my motherhood. That's my goal. I want to get there. I was so excited after this party that I didn't enjoy. I made me want to go through my whole house and kind of Marie Kondo the house. And I love, I, I'm not as minimalist as I would like it to be, but I love Marie Kondo's book.

[00:35:13] What sparks joy? But I kind of wanted to do the opposite and just be like, okay, what's not for me. What do I not have to feel obligated to do? Because it's not for me. So many unfinished books that I feel so much guilt about starting these books and not finishing them because so-and-so said it was good or because it has information that might be useful.

[00:35:32] When do I get to say, like, I'm sure that's a great book. I'm really glad someone found meaning in that. That's not for me or that's not for me right now. I have a lot of other things on my plate. Why am I making myself feel guilty? That I have 10 books that I'm not excited to finish, but I feel like I have to finish.

[00:35:48] Why do I do that to myself? No wonder. I feel so exhausted and burnt out. I adjust heaps, the obligation and, and, and then blame myself when I can. Come through on all of it. Not everything is for me right now in this moment. That is okay. And I'm preaching to myself, but I hope you're all hearing this.

[00:36:19] That's okay. You are okay. You are lovable.

[00:36:27] I heard over the weekend. So many sad stories, so much trauma and so much. I experienced a lot of feelings this weekend.

[00:36:47] But I came away from this weekend with this fire in my belly. I want everyone to know that they are lovable

[00:36:58] and I want everyone to have a safe space. And if I can provide that safe space for people, I want to be a part of that.

[00:37:08] And most of all,

[00:37:14] I want everyone to start getting comfortable with just being their bad selves. I'm so glad. I don't think I've mentioned this. My sister is the one who came up with the name be your best self. And I . I used it for a paint night that I did cause we were painting my bad portraits and I'm, I didn't realize.

[00:37:37] How meaningful that title and that phrase was gonna become to me. You got to let people see you and you've got to let you see you. And you've got to stop convincing yourself that you have to change that there's something wrong with you. I really think that the big lesson here, that the big thing we need to learn as a society to move forward as a society is let people see you don't change into the person that you want people to see.

[00:38:27] Let people see you as you are, feel love as you are. And then if you want to grow and change from there, because it lights you up then. Great. But don't, don't tell yourself that you have to change yourself before you can let people see you

[00:38:42] Okay. And you're going to be a lifeline to other people too. You're going to make it so that other people can say same meat too. I understand what you're going through. Thank you so much for giving that a voice. Thank you so much for letting me know that I'm not alone in feeling that. Now I think maybe there's a chance.

[00:39:07] There's not something wrong with me. Maybe I'm normal. Maybe this is normal. I think you're lovable. And if you struggle with that, and I think you're lovable, maybe that means I'm lovable. Think of the power that letting yourself be seen, carries.

[00:39:25] I think that's it. I think that's what I wanted to say. I think that's what I've been feeling this month. I hope that's coming across. I hope this gives you courage to be a little more vulnerable and share a little bit more and love yourself and give yourself a little more grace. Once again, you will either notice or not notice that this podcast episode was not posted at 6:00 AM this morning.

[00:39:53] And once again, I don't even know if it's going to get posted today. That might be my new, that might be my new release schedule. Instead of saying every Monday at 6:00 AM, it'll be whenever Kimber has the energy and space and motivation to release it because that's also part of the journey is giving ourselves grace.

[00:40:13] And I want to model that too,

[00:40:15] and that's hard for me too. Um, Thank you. Thank you. This, this podcast episode is here because of you and the space that you have held for me

[00:40:34] both by reaching out to me about the episodes and about my vulnerable shares and, and through Instagram.

[00:40:46] Thank you for holding space for my edges and who I am. I am in love with the community that I've started building around this. And it's because of you. I keep saying podcasting lights me up, but what it is is connecting with you. That's what lights me up. Feeling seen by you and feeling like you feel seen by me.

[00:41:10] That's what lights me up. That's why I keep doing this. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that. I feel a little frustrated that I have so many cool podcast episodes for you that I'm excited to share with you and the editing process and adding the intro music and outro music is exhausting to me.

[00:41:34] And I have so much, I want to share with you. So keep listening. I will get those up. I just, the last two episodes, I've just had a lot on my mind from connecting with people the last few weeks that I, I really felt pulled to share. So. I'm going to share this, keep listening because I, I have talked to some really amazing people about a lot of things over the past.

[00:41:54] I think I still have episodes that I recorded back in October that I have not aired yet that are coming up, that I'm excited to share, but hopefully this one was was worth kind of taking a break from, from the interviews because I feel. People need to know this people need to know right now. I, you know, I, I've kind of changed my intro because I've narrowed it down to this idea of you are worthy of love just the way you are.

[00:42:22] And that's what this episode is and that, and that's why I've changed. The intro is because that's the message. I really want you to know when I say that. I don't want you to think, oh, Well, she kept me me. If she knew this about me, she would know I wasn't worthy of love. I say that for you. You that's listening right now.

[00:42:45] You are worthy of love, just the way you are. Start letting people see you just the way you are. And that's when you can start believing that you're worthy of love.

[00:42:58] Thanks for joining me today.

[00:43:00] If you want more nurturing and tips on how to lead a more authentic life, you can follow me on Instagram or sign up for my newsletter on just be your bad self.com. Your invitation this week is to let someone see you. It is not easy. This one takes a whole lot of courage. So dictate. And do it. If I'm that person that you're going to let see you.

[00:43:33] Awesome. Send me a message. Call me, reach out to me somewhere. Let me see you. I will hold space for you. You are worthy of love, just the way you are. You are enough. That's it from me now. Just be your bad self.