Cammi and Flower Crowns

Kimber: Today, I'll be talking with Cammie Hearst, founder of the company to wild wallflowers. Which is a company dedicated to empowering women through the language of flowers. We'll be talking about Cammie's story and how she transformed her own life experience into a company that helps women who are going through the same struggles that she has gone through in the past. Cam, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. Let's just jump right in and have you tell us about who you are what you stand for, what you do, all that good stuff.

Cammi: Okay. Well, my name is Cammy Hurst and I am the founder of two wild wallflowers, and I specialize in hosting workshops to empower women using the language of flowers. And so I currently do two different types. I do flower crown workshops to empower our inner beauty and femininity. And then I also do wreath workshops to help women that have lost children, infants, pregnancy, and want.

Something to remember that loss in combination with the rest of their families. So you can build a, a wrath that represents every member. So yeah, that's what I do in my name and all that fun.

Kimber: That's such an interesting creative. Way to empower women. How did you, how did you come up with this? How did you get to this point? What's your story that made you passionate about it and why flowers?

Cammi: My story starts many years ago. I think a lot of us can relate to finding ourselves in relationships with people that don't have our best interest at heart. And I was dating this boy and it became a very controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship, but I didn't recognize it as that at the time.

And in my 20 year old brain, this man, you know, I mean, boy, I should probably say, not even man, cuz he was also 20, but he was the love of my life and he could never do any wrong to me and, and him controlling what I ate or who I hung out with became, oh, this is normal. This is what my life will be like when we get married and.

It took me a really long time to realize that being in that relationship slowly took away everything. I was as an individual because I was being formed into this ideal version of a woman that this guy wanted. And I was in a position where I either was going to marry him, or I was going to. To, you know, break up with him and rebuild my life.

And that's kind of where I came to. We broke up and I was, I felt like nothing because I didn't remember who I was. I was a shell of the person. I was, I had lost all of my friends because he was telling me who I could hang out with. I had lost all of my sense of self because all of my hobbies and all of my dreams were kind of pushed into a box and said, don't open that because it doesn't fit into this box that I want.

And at, at that time, I was lucky enough to have been at working at a flower shop. I'd been there for about six months and I started going back to school. I, I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I was, I was really good at English. And so I was like, you know what, I'll just take some English classes cuz I can.

Get A's

oK. But I was taking a Victorian literature class and one of the topics we were study was the language of flowers. And I really enjoyed that because I was working at a flower shop. So I was around flowers all of the time.

And the language of flowers was something that people created to send messages back and forth to each other. A lot of times they were fer forbidden lovers because you didn't married for love, you married for status. And so they would send flowers back and forth and they would mean things like I adore you.

Like I, I'm trying to think of some of my favorite ones. I will always be loyal to you. Things like that, or one of my favorite flowers is the Lily and it represents. Return to happiness. So that would be, they would send it to each other and they would say when we're it would represent when we're together, it will, I'll be returned to a state of happiness.

And so I was learning all of these things about these flowers and a lot of the flowers. I felt like we're communicating things about people that I loved in my life. I was like, oh, I love that. So, and so is, is so cheerful. So I'm gonna send her some daisies and I love that. So, and so is always expressing gratitude.

And so I'm gonna send her a arrangement. But I couldn't see it in myself, but I could see it on all these other people. And so I'm not exactly sure how it started, but I learned how to make flower crowns. And I made a flower crown using flowers for one of my friends to picture the things that I loved about her.

And then I started making flower crown for myself and kind of impersonating. It felt like cuz I was kind of rebuilding all of these. Attributes in myself felt kind of like I was impersonating the, the attribute of the flower when I would wear it. And so I would embody that and I would feel, and I felt beautiful for the first time in probably 15 years.

Like since I could cognitively think about what beauty was, flower crowns became how I saw beauty in myself again. And. So I went on a mission to kind of share that with people and to educate them on the language of flowers, cuz it's not something we are, a lot of people are familiar with and In 2020, I decided to take the leap and start doing workshops and do groups of women and have conversations about beauty and, and why it's so easy to see it in other people, but it's so hard to see in ourselves.

And so I took that leap of faith and then COVID kind of, you know, squished all hope of me meeting with, with women in large groups. And so I kind of went into survival mode. And then I had two miscarriages in six months

Kimber: Oh,

Cammi: and that kind of knocked me on my, on my butt as a, as a 27 year old, who had spent all of my life believing that my happiness would come when I became a mom and not being able to be a mom was, was really devastating.

And it was really hard too, cuz I have a blended family and. Not being able to have a, a representation of what my family looked like with those angels was really. And so I turned to flowers again. And so I started creating reefs using birth flowers, as well as the language of flowers to represent my whole family and, and the different angels that we've lost and having a, a representation that I can come home and look, look at every day.

That's, that's my story.

Kimber: Wow. That's such a powerful story. As you were talking you said a couple of things first. You, you said you, you talk about how easy it is as women to see value in other people. But a lot of times it's hard. To see it in ourselves. And the other thing you said was that as a woman, you build this whole dream life around, around your family and what That's

going to look like.

And so when there's certain pieces that aren't there, it, it's not just devastating because you you've lost this future with someone that you, you love. It's, it's devastating because it. It's a huge part of your identity. And, and as we were talking, I kept thinking about this, this Rachel Hollis interview that I watched Rachel Hollis is the author of girl washer face, and a couple of other books.

And I was watching a little clip of an interview. She did where she says women are taught that to be a good woman. You have to be good for other people. have to be a good wife, a good daughter, a good mother, a good sister, a good friend. And how much value we get from these roles we play. And, and we never do feel like we achieve that good enough status, right?

Because there's so much comparison. There's always someone doing it better than us. How has your journey, what you've been learning as you've been working with these women helped you see the value. You can take this question whatever way you want, really, but I'm just wondering if you've discovered anything along these lines.

Like what value do we have as women beyond what we do for other people beyond the roles we play for other people's big question.

Cammi: a great question. And I think it's a very big question, but I, and I, I'm surrounded by very powerful women. All of the time. And one thing that I have seen is as they allow space for themself to show up as their authentic self, so similar to, to your mission, then, then that's when they are creating their actual ideal life.

That's when the dream life that they didn't even that subconsciously they wanted, but they didn't even realize that they wanted because they kind of. hid it behind this when I'm a wife, when I'm a mother, when I'm a daughter, instead of showing up as that woman and being able to show up as what they actually want, even subconsciously, I feel like that's when things really start to change and to grow and you see, I see it in myself.

Like when I finally. Decided that entrepreneurialship and creating a space for women to talk about these topics that are kind of pushed under the rug and hushed up in myself. I finally saw, okay. When I, this is the life that I wanna be creating and being a wife and being a stepmom and being a daughter and being a, a daughter-in-law.

Those are all bonuses. And so that that's the icing on the top of me creating a fulfilling life. And it's not where my fulfillment comes from. My, my passions have always been geared towards, towards women. I love being around women and helping women. And when I was able to step into that purpose, that fueled that passion.

That's when I really started to identify with myself. And I think that was the hardest thing for me to learn, because like I said, it was so easy for me to see all these other women living their authentic life and me wanting that, but not understanding how so. I don't know if that really answered your question, but it kind of, it's been something that's been on my mind a lot lately is that those titles of, of wife and mother.

Our bonuses and they bring a lot of fulfillment, but if we're not being fulfilled in other areas, we're not showing up as our best self in those roles as well.

Kimber: I, no, I think that's a beautiful answer to that question. This idea of, of the role, the roles we fulfill are, are, are bonuses, but who we really are. Is separate from those roles. It's our passions. It's what we love to do. It's what lights us up. And I, I think as women, we feel a lot of guilt. If those roles, aren't the main thing that light us up.

Right.

Cammi: Oh, absolutely. If we find any kind of joy outside of something in the home, if we're not natural homemakers, I don't know. I've never been a natural homemaker

Kimber: me neither. No way.

Cammi: and finding out, and I'm lucky enough to be with somebody who, that he recognizes that I bring so much more to the table than keeping a house.

And I don't know what I would've done if I had had married that, that first boy and that I thought I was madly in love with. And I know he would've expected me to be a housewife and. That would've been devastating.

Kimber: Yeah.

Yeah. And I think even just the pressure, having, having a relationship, that's actually putting that pressure on you. Plus the societal pressure that we already receive is suffocating. I think I'm also married. My husband, I feel like. Gives me a pretty good amount of space to do what I wanna do.

And he, I know he wants me to be happy, but my upbringing, the, the religion I was raised in the, the culture I'm in the country, I'm in so much of that. I put pressure on myself and almost put words in his mouth like, oh, Elliot, it's not gonna be happy with me because I didn't have dinner made. And sometimes.

I'll apologize to him for that. And he'll be like, I you're putting words in my mouth. Like, I'm fine. But sometimes we don't feel like we're worthy of, of those people that we love because we're not filling the role of wife or the role of mother, the way that we think we should, for whatever reason.

Cammi: exactly. Yeah. I, I do that all of the time. Right now. There are. Piles of laundry in my kitchen that need to be folded. They've been there for days. And for some reason in my head, I'm like, I'm less than because I haven't got to this chore and what have I actually done this week? Like I've kicked, but accomplished all kinds of other goals.

And I did this thing that I was, you know, really scared to do, but took a leap of faith and came on your podcast and those are way more valuable. And. A better use of my time

Kimber: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think, I think the. The place that both you and I have found ourselves in, of supporting other women and trying to empower other women and, and other people in general is so important because we aren't taught, or we may not have been raised to believe that. This, this kind of work that we love to do has value.

I was raised, you know, the law and I have a passionate mother. I need to say that because she listens to my podcast. but so I need to say I have a passionate mother who, who is incredibly intelligent and does lots of things, but I also watched her beat herself up for not being the good enough mother, the good enough wife, the good enough housekeeper.

And so by proxy, I. I also learned that. And so I think it is so important right now, especially as women that we. That we value each other's work that we value and that we stop apologizing. Oh, my house isn't clean. Oh my kid's hair. Isn't done to each other because when we apologize for that kind of thing for ourselves, what we're doing is devaluing the other per devaluing, the other person.

If their laundry's not done, if they're, you know, whatever, and we need to start giving each other props, like look at all you did in this area and not just judge each other on the housekeeping, the mothering, all of that jazz.

Cammi: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, to kind of go back something I've been thinking about this recently is I, I try really hard to be a, a place where women feel like they can and be, and find love for themselves where they're at. And the other day I was being really hard on myself, really being really hard on my body, honestly.

My body after two miscarriages has changed a lot since I first met Dylan. And I was talking about how, you know, I was, I was voicing the thoughts in my head. I had about my body as a, this isn't hurting anybody except me kind of an attitude. And I was thinking about it later. Actually that's hurting more than just me cause.

I am allowing space for that negative thought to have value. And I'm also devaluing the people that love me for, for my body as it is now. And then I'm also showing the people around me that it's okay to talk about themselves that way. And it's also okay to talk about me that way, which is absolutely untrue.

And so talking and internalizing and feeling these things as women. The way we talk about ourselves gives people the authority. Well, maybe not the authority, but it gives them the permission to talk about themselves that way. And then also ourselves that way. And so when we find a space to be able to say, I, I didn't do my laundry or I, I didn't have a shower today or whatever it is that we feel like is making us less than.

I lost my train of thought . But if we, I guess if we can stop that pattern and, and recognize that these thoughts, aren't just hurting ourselves, that they're hurting, I can think of so many times where I was around my mom or my aunts, and I heard them talking about their bodies in a specific way, and that became the language.

I talked to myself about my body. And so. We as women, I think owe that to ourselves, create the change in the narrative, the way we talk about ourselves. Mm.

Kimber: Absolutely. As you were, as you were talking about your experience in that area. I remember there have been a few times when women it's like, we have these like self-depreciating parties, right. We get together and all of it is like, oh my, you know, I'm so sorry. My car is a mess. And then the other person's like, oh, you should see mine.

Or, or in high school, especially. I remember it was all about. Bodies, right. Oh, I can. You know, I remember I remember someone sitting and just like they were, they were a thin girl but I remember them like pinching their stomach skin between their fingers and being like, oh, I need to lose weight. And I remember thinking I am not as thin as you.

Does that mean I need to lose weight or I remember people being like, oh, I can't believe I weigh over a hundred pounds and in high. And I weighed, I matured quite quickly and I weighed quite a bit more than a hundred pounds in high school. And I remember thinking, oh, no, I, I have, like, I have to lose like 40 pounds we were different Heights and different, you know, we, our bodies needed different things. Yeah.

But we, and the same thing goes for house cleaning or whatever, like someone says, oh, I'm so sorry. My, whatever, something that, you know, my windows aren't clean. Something that isn't even on my radar. In my house. And then I go home and I'm like, oh man, I guess my, I guess I need to hire someone to clean the windows and we just pile.

And we don't realize when we pile shame on ourselves,

Cammi: Mm-hmm

Kimber: we're doing that to everybody else too. We're like making the burden harder for all of us. And, and the opposite of that is true as well. Right. That's why I feel so strongly about. Learning to love myself in a pretty public way, even though it's freaking hard work, it is hard work to learn, to love yourself and accept yourself.

But it's like the most important work you can do, because if you can do that for yourself, you're also doing, you're helping other people do the same thing. You're making the burden wider for all of us.

Cammi: Exactly. Exactly. And I think that's kind, it feels like, and maybe I'm just lucky and I'm being able to surround myself with other women that have that similar mentality, but it does feel like that's the shift that we're we're walking into, or maybe that we're creating for whomever comes after us. You know, like if I ever have a daughter, I never want her to feel like she has to apologize.

For being a woman or showing up as herself or whatever it is. And I, I feel like that's kind of the shift. In the air in a sense that we're all heading into is we're, we're stepping into ourselves and we're recognizing the value that we have outside of our home, outside of our bodies, outside of we're showing, like you said, we're showing up as our authentic selves and that is being, I, I feel like at least I feel like that's being received and, and I think that's really beautiful.

Kimber: Yeah. I totally agree with you. There's that? There's, I've, I've talked with a few different female friends of mine that we've talked about this shift. It does feel like there's something in the air that almost like almost like we're giving. Birth to a new age. Like, and some days it feels heavy and hard and painful, but it feels like it's, it is it's giving birth to this new be, be authentic.

Be yourself. You don't have to fulfill the roles the way you were taught. And I think it's such a cool time as a woman to be alive.

Cammi: Yeah, I think so.

Kimber: so.

with your, with your flower workshops that you do, are there any stories or experiences that you can share? As you've worked with these women through different things and your flowers.

Cammi: I think probably the one that resonates with me the most. And I think it's just. Because of where I am in my, in my life. But I had a workshopping in January for women that have, have lost children. And a lot of these women came to this workshop and it had been many, many years since they had had this loss, but they had never found this space.

That was safe enough for them to talk about it or grieve it because that's uncomfy for other people. Right. And it's,

Kimber: Mm-hmm.

Cammi: it's not something if you've experienced it, if you haven't experienced it, it's not something you will ever be able to understand. And I hope with all of my heart that. The people that you don't have to experience it, but unfortunately it, it it's something that many women have suffered.

One in four women have miscarried or lost an infant or child. And so it was just really rewarding. I think for me, as, as somebody that hadn't been able to find a safe space and wanted to create one. To have these women that had needed a place to heal for many years, be able to find a space. And we were very vulnerable with each other.

And we talked about things that we are, we feel like we're not allowed to talk about with other people because we are as women, I think. We're taught to make things comfortable for people around us and talking about loss and grief. Isn't comfortable for people who haven't been in that head space. And so that was probably my favorite thing is just to, to be able to have conversations that I feel like women long to have.

And that's similar with the, with the body. I've had several, several women come up to me after and say, I, I just have always wanted to talk about this. And I've never felt like I'm allowed to. And so that's, that's my favorite thing is, is giving women a place where they feel like they can be heard and they can process this.

This huge thing, that it is to be a woman and to go through all of these different trials as a woman, and to talk about it, candidly, with other women that are being open and vulnerable about it as well. And I did a self love retreat a couple of weeks ago. And just, just to listen to these, these women talk about their journeys through their personal self love.

And create a crown that represented what they loved about themselves and like, and see them put it on and wear it. And even though maybe I have the same attributes and flowers as you, my Crown's gonna look completely different because of how I create it and how I put it together and what I, you know, maybe mine's really small and dainty and it has the same flowers as yours, but yours has more greenery and it has it's big and voluminous and.

So I think understanding that women are, I mean, we are all comprised of the same things, but we get to decide how we display them is probably another thing that I really love about what I get to do every day.

Kimber: Yeah. that's so powerful. I, man, when you said, what you did about as women were taught that it's our job to make other people comfortable and grief isn't comfortable. That just stabbed me right in the heart. That's so, so accurate. And so. So hard, that's what a burden to carry, right? That you've gotta feel all this pain and you feel like you've gotta carry it all by yourself because you don't wanna burden someone else with it.

That's, I'm so grateful that you're here, where I am creating this space so needed so needed by women. I think. I think it's, let's wrap it up. Do you have any big, big takeaways that you wanna leave with the listeners today? Well, I guess first tell us where we can find you and then give us your takeaway from the episode.

Cammi: awesome. Well you can find me on Facebook and on Instagram at two wild wallflowers. And that's two spelled out C T w O wild wallflowers. And then that's also our website where you can actually. Order. I'm assuming by the time that you put this episode out, that will, that will be live, but we are gonna be launching.

You can order customs through our website. Wild. If you can't make it a workshop, that way you can still have a physical representation of your family. So that's gonna be launching for mother's day this year.

Kimber: Fun. So cool. I love that. Okay. Big what's what's your takeaway for the listeners today? What's the message that you want everyone to hear? Absolutely.

Cammi: Ooh,

I think my takeaway for today, and I feel like I jumped around a whole lot, but I think just, just recognizing that our worth as a woman has so much more depth than we think it does. And we are the ones that get to decide are worth and nobody else.

Kimber: Absolutely. I'm gonna do a little call back to one of my very. Episodes was with a trans, a transgender woman named Anna. And she said, my, she said, my identity is a statement I'm making not, she said my identity. Isn't a question I'm asking. It's a statement I'm making. And I love that idea with worthiness as well, which is exactly what you just said.

That's something we get to decide. It's a statement we get to make. We don't have to get it. It's not a question we're asking other people to answer for us. We get to say I am worthy and show up in the world as a worthy human,

Cammi: exactly.